i don´t want attention.

Hey everyone,

right now i am just writing what´s on my mind, so if you don´t wanna read it then don´t.!!

i don´t want attention with this blog, this blog is just to rant about my feelings, to let it all go.
people who are depressed don´t always look sad, sometimes they even look happy or they are trying to be happy. like they say " don´t judge a book by it´s cover."
my friends don´t know what´s wrong with me, they always see me smile because i am pretending to be happy. they don´t ask me how i feel, they just think i am okay and that sucks.
it sucks to feel like they don´t care, like they don´t understand me and i am afraid to get judged by them.
i am afraid they think that everything they do or say will make me mad or sad.

i hate how they look at you with pity if they know about your problems and anoher thing i hate is how they don´t understand you or what you go through.

everyone just cares about themselves now, they just care about their feelings and their problems. i am always there for my friends. i care about them but they don´t care about me.

and  i think i am going to post a Quote of the day. every post from now on will get a quote at the end.

"I start to think there really is no cure for depression, that happiness is an ongoing battle, and I wonder if it isn't one I'll have to fight for as long as I live. I wonder if it's worth it.."

I wish..

I wish i could wake up and be beautiful, i wish i could wake up and be happy, i wish i could wake up and like myself, i wish life was easy, i wish i had some friends,i wish i could disappear,i wish i hadn´t cried.

I´ve never been the girl..

I've never been the girl you see in the corner, Nor am I am the girl you see in the center of the biggest crowd. I've never been the girl you see walking alone, Nor am I the girl you see with twenty guys surrounding her. I've never beenthe girl you hear about getting drunk at parties. I cover myself with depression, but let it out in anger and tears. You see my outside as being the hyper, talkative, outgoing typer. Yet my inside is screaming for help, quivering with fear, and bursting out with tears. The cuts and the scars just bring me more pain, but why do I do this to my body? I want to care about my well being. Care about the people who surround me! I want to be that girl you see walking with a smile, hand in hand with the boy she loves, but not just on the outside, the inside wants to be bursting with joy, laughing because something is really funny, not just hiding the true fear and terror.